mo traffic, mo erections?

Although recent tests have all but confirmed my brain viscosity is nearly mush, and I struggle to write a coherent statement, resulting in a friend recently commenting that I no longer sling lingo, but instead sling laziness, the old blogski is receiving more traffic than ever.

At first glance, this would appear curious. However, a little research into the phenomenon reinforces a belief I have had about this little internet contraption since day one:

We're all a bunch of perverts.

Way back when, I wrote a post about a Tim Horton's commercial, which I found to be inaccurate. The commercial in question portrayed the coffee and donuts chain (now owned by an American corporation I must add) as a Norman Rockwell-type Canadian hangout, staffed by old, folksy white ladies with local drawls and frequented by early morning hockey dads and frozen-cheeked kids after skates on ponds. Well, I'm sorry, but every single Tim Horton's I've been to is staffed almost exclusively by Filipinos and I found it odd that every person in those commercials was white. It made me wonder what exactly Tim Hortons was trying to do.

It led me off on a tangent about a completely different device used in commercials by companies in an attempt to show their seeming inclusiveness. They always include a token black or asian person into the gang or group. However, these ads never put First Nations or Inuit into the smiling circle of friends or happy workplaces, which has long been a beef of mine.

Anyways (I'm getting off on a tangent again) at the end of the post, I included a gratuitous picture of Megan Fox naked, getting out of the water in Vancouver, because it somehow popped up when I was searching Tim Hortons (did I erroneously type 'muff' instead of 'muffin' in the query box?)

Well let me tell you folks, that was far and away the most popular post I've ever written. Perhaps coinciding with the release of the Transformers movie, I'm getting like hundreds of hits a week from all over the world by google searchers looking up 'Megan Fox topless'.

And in some instances, looking at the time spent on page -- sometimes one minute, to a minute in a half -- it makes me wonder if someone had ever stopped on slinginlingo.com and... EWWW!!!

I want to make it clear, I do not condone the shooting-off of toilet paper children to this here blog. Just take the picture, save it to your desktop and get outta here.

Shit, I have kids, man. (Editor's note: I do not have kids.)

At the end of that post though, I said more people would be interested in the Fox shot.

I feel it is time to say, I told ya so.

She do look good though.

meaningless act of green update

I've driven my truck nearly every day since the last post. I've been getting up closer and closer to 9 a.m. every morning, and last week, I thought my hamstring -- and adjoining glute -- on my left side was going to snap. (I'd say my leg and ass was tight, but that would most likely attract a whole slew of google searchers that I don't want to associate this blog with...)

So the meaningless act of green is seemingly flying out the window, unless I can truly devote myself to early mornings.

a meaningless act of green

The fuel light on my dashboard was stoked like a log in a fire and I hurried to fill up at Circle K tonight. I put $35 worth of the cheap stuff in there, half filling my tank.

Now, I hadn't planned on driving to work today, but I got up super late and so was somewhat forced.

But here's my meaningless act of green: I will try to go the rest of the summer on that half-tank of gas.

I spent the last two summers on my ten-speed, so let's see how far I can go this year.

chappelle

I don't know how I've had this thing for nearly a year and never once mentioned one of my heroes, Dave Chappelle.

I'm too sleepy to get in too deep (like Johnny Depp in Donnie Brasco) about my admiration for Dave Chappelle, so I'll just post a link to his much-needed Tupac burn. Mr. Shakur was coming out with albums every year for a while there, so Mr. Chappelle saw the opportunity to roast the man, pretending he was still alive... HIT THE LINK BELOW

http://broadband.thecomedynetwork.ca/comedy/vid=12325

If you don't laugh, you're not human. And if you're not human, I hope you're not a GM model robot.

and I know I haven't updated for a while but...

So I know this is update numero deuce in less than 10 minutes, but I have to share this, as it is my man J Dilla with MF Doom...

He rest when he's ashes

And the Jay Stay Paid album came out Tuesday. Get your ass out and grab that, the benefits goes toward the Yancey family!!!

metabolic milestone

Now folks, this is 24 hours in arrears, however I believe it may still hold relevance.

So I just wanted to note that last eve, sitting on my back deck smoking a hooka solo as per use (is that how you spell the cool version of usual???) I realized it was the first time in quite some period of minutes that I didn't expel a mass from my bowel fifteen minutes after digesting some mock-food McDonalds. Usually, 15 minutes after taking my first Big Mac bite, my butt cheeks are smoochin a U-shaped seat.

Last night, it was not the case.

Am I getting older? What the F S is H-ing?

P.S. As a serious reporter, session is over and I have many great clips I want to share with all of you. However, my incompetence may just be my own favourite worst nightmare (PLEASE GO LISTEN TO SOME ARCTIC MONKEYS).

welcome summer

It took a while, but I'd like to send a sincere hello out to belated summer.

Today was the first certifiably spring day here in Yellowknife, where the sky was pure blue with life.

And I also received my first mosquito bite. I guess the lesson is be careful what you wish for.