addendum: palin is cannabitch

A quick post-script to the script of yesterday's post:

Whenever I hear Sarah Palin whine and pine and slam Obama, I always go back to this song and something Eminem says at 0:56. (If I knew how to embed videos that began at a specific time, I would.) I think it's apropos:

I'd like to say, by the way, that this should not be construed as a reflection of my feelings for Canibus.

A little Canibus love (even if there is no way that this is a freestyle):

oh, the sarah palin

I'll admit that it took me a few tries to first get into Team America: World Police. I'd psych myself up to watch the Matt Stone and Trey Parker flick, while visions of Basketballs danced in my head, but I'd wind up deflated just minutes in because I couldn't get past the wooden puppets. As absurd as the setting and characters and situations were, I took all the dialogue seriously for whatever reason and the humour was lost on me. I'd turn it off for good, just ten minutes in.

Thankfully, I got over my puppet hang-up and I have enjoyed the movie many times for what it is: an over-the-top, cliche-spoofing satire of American intervention in world affairs (with puppet porn!)

And I think the same thing is starting to happen to me with Sarah Palin.

When this broad first stepped into the national spotlight, I couldn't fathom how anyone could even entertain the notion of taking her seriously. Her stuttered and stunted speeches - and some of the electorate's rapturous reactions to them - made me turn away in disbelief and disgust and I've been doing the same ever since.

But now, after she released this video to show her disapproval with some in the news media who are arguing that vitriolic rhetoric (which does absolutely nothing good for anyone, in my opinion) may have played a part in that demented 22-year-old's killing rampage in Arizona, (not printing the dude's name because that's really all that those people want, isn't it?) I think I'm finally getting the joke. (Editor's Note: Now that's what I call a run-on sentence. Should start calling that a Gump.)

Sarah Palin: "America's Enduring Strength" from Sarah Palin on Vimeo.

Palin is just an over-the-top, mothafuckin aw-shuckin, cliche-spouting satire of a 21st Century politician. (This isn't my original thought either. Thanks to Inflatable Elvis' twitter feed.) She survives through sound bites, she is hardly challenged on her beliefs - or her own thoughts - in public, her image has been crafted and mythologized with some very creative twisting and exaggeration of fact, and everything she says is scripted by someone else operating things behind the controls.

Man, she's actually quite a lot like one of those Team America puppets, right down to the vapid stare, terrible acting, puppet strings and blockish, chiseled face.

potent potables for $400, alex

Slader, describing a barracuda, after coming face-to-face with a few in the Dominican and after one almost bit off his girlfriends toes:

"Think of a jackfish."

"Now picture his abusive, alcoholic, steroid-using uncle."

"That's a barracuda."

Funny aside:

When I googled 'barracuda', I got pictures of the menacing looking fish.

When I googled 'angry barracuda', 'mean barracuda' or 'vicious barracuda' I got a good number of pictures of The Sarah Palin.

Remember her?

Okay Sarah, can you point to the elephant? Good. Okay, now point to the orange... Great work! Gold star today.

congrats Mr. Obama

I have to say, I've never enjoyed watching an elderly person get so ferociously beat up and pummeled.

Apparently, Barack Obama also enjoys watching 62 million-plus beat a 72-year old man to a pulp.

Congratulations, Mr. Obama.

With the masses of people crowded in parks and streets around the States and the world, with tears running down faces, I believe he's filled a great many with genuine hope. And there's really nothing a white guy sitting in front of a laptop in snowy Yellowknife, NWT can add about the significance of a black man being elected President that hasn't been said already by the media or pundits or jubilant Americans. I agree with Jon Stewart, that this was the first true "show don't tell" moment of equal opportunity in American history.

Thumbs up, America. Hey, you're not so bad after all.

Although, I don't know if we all should be celebrating so quickly.  If we are to believe everything we are being told, these are pretty hopeless times. The man has quite a task in front of him, but meh... the hell with worrying, I'm sure he knows more about what lies ahead for this world than anybody else. I'm gonna go play some X-Box...

Ooh, before that - five quick things:

The best headline to come from the election (as a co-worker pointed out earlier today)

From Ultimas Noticias in Caracas, Venezuela: Un negro en la Casa Blanca

I want to start a band now, only so that our first album can be called: Un negro en la Casa Blanca

Second: Hopefully this is the last we hear from 'The Sarah Palin' in a long while. The doomsday device needs to go back into the shop for a while for some retooling.

Third: Canada looks awfully backwards now beside the 'progressively liberal' US. Whodathunkit?

Fourth: If they would hurry up with that recount in North Carolina and give it to Obama, I win 20 clams.

Fifth: I want to preemptively trademark this headline for when Obama finds himself in a tough situation.

Barack and a hard place

No?

one of my favourite words

Earlier this year, I used to take great pleasure in jotting down new and ridiculous words and their definitions as I'd come across them during my days. 

Cleaning up the filth around my home, I found such a list, compiled back at the end of March. I read it only to realize the relevance today, of one of my favourite words at the time.

The word is tappen.

What is a tappen, you ask?

Tappen: an obstruction, or indigestible mass. found in the intestines of bears and other animals during hibernation. Also referred to as a "rectal plug." They make it difficult for the animal to defecate during hibernation, but are often passed with great pain in the spring time.

And why does this word take on added significance now?

Three words: The Sarah Palin

The Sarah Palin: a tappen for the new American Century

She is one indigestible mass of rhetoric.

Hopefully, she passes before spring, like sometime early next month.