Thursday, May 28, 2009

just a thought

I sometimes wonder what my testicles would look like in zero-gravity.

Friday, May 22, 2009

story pants

No, no. This is no sisterhood of the traveling pants post. Maybe brotherhood pants, though. We'll see.

Stuck in stunted pre-spring in Yellowknife, I've been living vicariously through TobasKO's travel tales of late -- where he pathologically pushes the boundaries of good taste as he gallivants through Asia this month.

He had one tangent about his choice -- or lack -- of pants, as he wears the same cargo shorts day in and day out, regardless of what happened the day before. I imagine there are some godless odors buried deep within the fibers of those things by now.

Anyways, it got me to thinking about a conservation I had the other day.

Now, I'll admit it. I'm a one or two pair of pants type of guy, and when I'm really busy or stressed, I'll pull my pants off before bed and slip right back into them in the morning, without thinking.

Case in point, during my month in Hay River, I wore one pair of jeans exclusively.

Now, because it's something I don't even think about, I notice when I go to a friend's place and they have a dog or a cat, they are intrigued with my pants. I find myself consistently kicking the pets away from the cuff of my jeans, or from my lap or what have you. It also works the same way with my sweater-hoodie, which goes weeks or months without washing, yet is worn daily. I toss it on the floor, or around a chair, and the animals flock to it like it was Ace Ventura.

It got me to thinking, because I've lived in these things so thoroughly, spilling food on them, sitting in dirty trucks or on the ground outside, dragging them through the mud literally, dogs and cats probably treat my jeans like a reader would a novel. My jeans are a storybook and they sniff away, reading with relish with their noses about what I've been through the last month.

Sometimes I see them smell a part of my pants and then they look at me in the eyes like "Are you kidding me, man?"

I'm kind of getting a kick out of it now, since coming to this realization. I'll remember a drop of ketchup hitting my pants and when the pet goes and smells it, I'll look at it and nod. "Jalepeno corndog," I'll say.

Anyways, I was over at JG and Guy-attine's place the other night and they took my theory a step further. They wondered if the cats and dogs, with their special senses, could predict my future and try to warn me of impending doom...

Well, it's Friday morning and I'm preparing for a weekend of free living at the Sasquatch Festival in Washington State. I'm sure I'll put a couple chapters on my jeans. And thankfully, no cat or dog is barking at me right now, so I must be safe.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Binio and Biberous First Inaugural Podcast!!!!

After hours of humiliation in front of my MacBook, trying to figure out how to get this thing online, I believe the First Inaugural Podcast has finally been uploaded.

Hit this post's title above to download.

In our first (official) podcast, Binio and Biberous spell out the past, present and future of their endeavor, while Biberous and special celebrity guest Lily Mae Dawgwood discuss Mick Jagger's waning sexiness, an upcoming Dawgwoods CD, but mostly talk around in circles about a lot of stuff that doesn't really pertain to anything...

Plus, another celebrity guest drops by to send us off.

NOTE: The language contained in this podcast may require you to earmuff small children from time to time.

Hey Mr. -- The Dawgwoods

Thanks again to Lily Mae for hanging out.

Check out the folkabilly Dawgwoods at After Eight w/Small Narrow Valley on May 30 and June 20 downstairs at the Black Knight.

And their myspace page:

Binio and Biberous will be jet-setting out of the country this weekend to Gorge on some tunes down in Washington State, and will hopefully have something put together from the trip.

Stay tuned, loyal listeners!

Saturday, May 16, 2009


I have a 6-pack sitting in front of me right now.
It's 2:40 a.m.
My roommate is keeled over on himself beside me.

Such is my life.

First Inaugural Podcast is completed...
...and it's kind of funny.
Only hold-up on not getting it out is my internet retardedness.
But I'll do my best...
Align Left

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

stay tuned...

Alrighty, Slingers of Lingo.

Welcome back, after a couple weeks of Vancouver Canucks-dominated posts. I swear I won't get into that team unless someone tempts me, because really, it's something I don't want to talk about.

But I just want to encourage you all to stay tuned because I hope to have the first, as of yet untitled podcast posted by week's end.

There's some interesting stuff, including a Mick Jagger encounter by special celebrity guest...

Lillie Mae Dawgwood! (seen here the Dawgwoods and Elliott Brood in Yk last month)

Stay tuned, my dingleberries!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

game 6 round 2: vancouver 5 - blackhawks 7

So I apologize for the delay, for all those who wanted to see me cry or be a big whiney sore-loser on here.

Actually, I just couldn't bring myself to do this, and really it's not because of what happened Monday night in Chicago. 

(And for those want me to be the big sucky baby, sorry, not happening, but it's by no fault of my own. Trust me.)

I was a little choked from watching the game Saturday night with a lot of haters -- you know the types that don't really care and just steam ya about everything just to get a rise -- and because it really pissed me off, I turned Game 6 on in the basement (well downstairs, not the basement because they don't exist in Yellowknife with the hardrock foundation)  and watched it by my lonesome.

And you know what I did, I started writing a running diary of the game -- an homage to Bill Simmons, the guru.

And it helped me deal with my butterflies. I thought it was kind of funny, and it was an interesting read after, because it mimicked completely the roller coaster ride I was on, as the Canucks took the upper hand, then crapped it away, then took the game back, then crapped the bed, with what felt like 50 changes in momentum.

I cursed Mats Sundin. I apologized completely for bashing him. I praised Roberto Luongo. I asked who murdered Roberto Luongo after the second period and replaced him with a greasy pizza guy. I spoke about how much I hate Patrick Kane. I spoke about how much more I hate Patrick Kane. I got wisdom from my dad after the second, and broke down at the end of the game.

After the third period from hell, feeling beaten up, I walked upstairs dreading the inevitable roommate lurking to harass me and proceeded to connect to the internet, as there is no wireless downstairs.

But apparently, after all the typing and fuming, the laptop must have overheated, and it froze. Not unlike the Canucks...

Yep, 3 hours... squandered... squared...

I left the Crapbook upstairs, hoping it would cool down overnight. Nope. 

Hoped maybe if the battery ran out, I could hook it back up to power and that would kick start it back up, after work today. Not a chance.

And so I booted it back and up and it's lost and I'm recapping the run thusly.

I have nothing more to say and I don't want to repeat what I've already written so I'll say I feel about the lost post like I do the Canuck's season.

There's a lot of good to remember, but I wished it was still there.

The playoffs are dead to me now.

On another note, at least I have a life again... kinda sorta

Sunday, May 10, 2009

folk on the rocks 2009 line-up

Now I didn't go to the trade show this weekend -- although suggestions to attend the annual event permeated nearly every conversation I had the past two days -- and so I'm not particularly sure what FOTR's booth looked like and whether they were announcing any performers.

However, a little conversation with me ma got me wondering who would be coming North to swat mosquitos in the sand from July 17 - 19 this year and a little google sleuthing got me these:

Sam Roberts Band
Oh yes! After months and months of prodding a friend who is involved with the festival, she finally told me about an hour before it was annouced at the Elliott Brood show in April.

Royal Wood
I can't wait to see this guy. Stumbled upon "I'm so glad" a couple months ago on a CBC Radio 3 podcast and am so glad I did. This has been announced on the festival's website.

T. Nile (with Joanna Chapman-Smith)
(FOTR weekend is listed on T. Nile's myspace page and Chapman-Smith's website)

Kobo Town
They have been announced on the festival's website.

Forest City Lovers
(FOTR is listed on the band's website)

They have been announced on the festival's website.


God bless the good people at South Park.

game 5 round 2: vancouver 2 - blackhawks 4

I'm not worried.

I watched the game tonight with a bunch of non-partisans and it kind of blew because they started cheering contre les Canucks just cuz. I thought Toews played well for the first period and then sucked. I didn't think the Hawks really played that well, honestly.

The second goal was due to a dirty hit on Kesler, where he -- half-dazed -- dumped the puck out through the middle of the ice, where it was taken at the point and redirected past Lou, and then the dirty third that Kane somehow kept in, and Bolland eventually popped in.

I hate Kane. He's a little biatch. Honestly, there aren't many NHLers I would ever say that about, on the oft-chance that I'd ever run into them in real life after they read my blog, but I swear, I could kick the shit out of Kane. I don't like Kane.

Things will be different on Monday. Noo dooot aboooooot it.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

game 4 round 2: vancouver 1 - blackhawks 2 (OT)

It was the first time this postseason that we didn't come up with the magic.

That's it.

Like DA texted me after: "Fuck perfect tip like perfect fuck that's the only way to beat louie"

I still believe. No prob.

Funny how this series has played out so far. Vancouver leaves home, tied 1-1 in the series and they're barely hanging on and everyone thinks they're done. Four days later, Chicago escapes from their building, tied 2-2 and there are some serious questions being raised about their team.

Let's see what happens in Game 5.

I'm saying Vancouver 3 - Chicago 0

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

game 3 round 2: vancouver 3 - blackhawks 1

Ha-yuge game tonight... Big bounce back game...

I have to admit, I was bad tonight. After devoutly tuning into every split second of each game of the Canucks run (and missing out on the epic Bulls/Celtics first round series) I missed the entire first period of game 3. I just got back yesterday and I'm still in catch up mode, so I had a pint (just two) with the world famous Dawgwoods, and ran to my old man's place to watch the rest.

And man, they showed up tonight. I liked how they threw Raymond up with Kesler and Sundin tonight, with Demitra out. The message boards were a-buzzin after game two with Demitra's lackluster (what a word!) performance. I hadn't been too impressed with him seeing as he's a finisher lacking finish and a playmaker who wasn't carrying the puck, but people were enraged by his shying away from contact... maybe it was his injury? Who knows. Either way, Raymond's speed really opened it up tonight and it was nice to see someone playing with Kesler who could keep up with him.

Man, is Kesler ever turning into a beaut. He does everything. Great play to get Raymond the puck on that first goal. He's hitting, killing penalties, forechecking like a rabid dog and is a threat offensively. So, so, so damn glad we signed that offer sheet three years back.

Luongo is a captain. Hear his interview after the game? Took responsibility from the goal when Scott "worst combover on Planet Earth" Oake tried to pass blame off on Edler. And loved the comment about Byfuglien: (poorly paraphrased) "I tried to skate over to him to tell celebrate him for his great game but he skated away." Thought that was great, considering how Byfuglien started yapping at Bobby Lou after Campbell scored.

Check 2:08 for Luongo quote. What a gem... And seriously Oake, what are you doing? Just shave the top of the dome piece. You're not fooling anybody out here.

Quick sidebar: Campbell is going to completely wreck that team. In the very near future, they're going to have to sign Toews, Kane, Seabrook, Keith, Versteeg, Byfuglien, Bolland and Barker to deals, and that 7 year/$49 million contract they gave Campbell is going to eat some serious cap space. I think the entire NHL is breathing a sigh of relief.

Ohlund was a monster. Hank Sedin was a force. Loved the time when he came in on a two-on-one with Rypien and didn't even look to pass and went right to the net. Usually it looks like Hank Sedin would rather eat the puck than shoot it, but he didn't even think twice. Sorry, Rick.

Steve Bernier was humungous again tonight too. I can't believe I was calling for him to get traded at the deadline. He's doing exactly what he needs to do -- playing physical, forechecking and going to the net.

Great to see Pyatt back and he really had some jump. I think he's provided the team with a lift, and like I've been telling people, this team really has the feel of a "team of destiny" what with the death of Pyatt's fiancee and Luc Bourdon's passing earlier this year.

All in all, hell of a bounce back when it seemed everyone had written this team off. They've lost one game these playoffs. So have the Bruins and Wings now. Although, I will admit, I've never felt less comfortable with a three goal lead in my life.

Let's keep er going for game 4 Thursday gents...

Monday, May 4, 2009

13 minutes of terror


13 minutes of terror...

Having just got back to Yellowknife and deciding to forego procrastination, I preemptively put together what I hope resembles a rudimentary podcast, what with my primitive computer skills, RockBand microphone and 15 or so cups of coffee corroding my belly.

I've posted it on the blog

Me and a friend -- Binio -- have wanted to start up a radio program, but we recently decided a podcast may be better suited to foul fibs, holy hyperbole and feeble attempts at humour. Instead of putting it off, I did a little experimenting to see if I could figure out how to make one and just threw it up on here for the time being, to see if I could figure out how to throw it up on here.

The podcast has no name or working title.

The second song is Right to Pop! by Graham Coxon.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

game 2 round 2: vancouver 3 - blackhawks 6

Bleech. Big deuce. Chicago worked us yesterday. We looked tired. They skated. They checked. They forechecked. We didn't.

I think Ryan Johnson was our best player and when a fourth-line penalty killer is your top guy, that's not a good thing. He really put it all out there though, blocking shots with his hands and then stepping in for faceoffs seconds later. Gutsy stuff. Mason Raymond and Steve Bernier both played well too, although Bernier needs to start popping his chances.

The defense clearly looked tired though. Especially Ohlund.  Gotta hope Salo's all right, because Shane O'Brien is starting to scare me back there and Alex Edler looks like he's in a little over his head right now.

Luongo has to be better but the team didn't do him any favours. Alex Burrows was a non-factor for the first time I can remember in a while. Kesler played a decent game but it really looks like the whole team is suffering some crisis in confidence. They're getting away from what they do best, grinding teams down with their relentless forecheck and collapsing on the net in their zone and prohibiting rebounds.

Byfuglien looked like a bull again. Seabrook and Keith are killing us. Ugh, it just makes me sad.

And Mats 'Lady Gaga' Sundin. I don't know if I despise him more now than when he was a Maple Leaf. I don't even know if that's possible.

Why Lady Gaga? Well, apparently he played a lot of poker during his vacation, as he's appearing in Poker Stars on TSN all the time. Well, he's bringing the lessons he's learned onto the ice, because he skates around out there in the warzone playoffs with his poker face on. I've never seen someone play with less emotion. I don't care if he's playing on one leg. If he's hurt, get someone else out there.

And for $10 million a year?!?!?!


Friday, May 1, 2009

food for thought

Sign you might be getting old:

You go on an exotic trip across the world to experience some different cultures for a couple weeks, and when you get back, instead of telling your friends about all the amazing things you saw, and people you met, and the ideas they gave you, you go on and on and on about the food you ate and how delicious it was and how much you consumed and how big the servings were and what the wine was like and how it was prepared and what it cost you and how "you just have to go there..."