dion phaneuf is a maple leaf

BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

I wrote about the rough times Dion Phaneuf has been going through earlier this month. I guess getting traded to the Leafs gets added to list that. Ouch.

This trade is a little bittersweet though, as now I won't get to watch the Sedins and Co. light this emotionally crippled mini-Hulk up like a Christmas tree six times a year. And I'm a little concerned I won't hate him as much now, since he's so far away from my Canucks.

Oh well, I'm sure there will be lots to jeer about. Or maybe not. With the added pressures of the Toronto market, the relentless scrutiny and fickleness of the media there, I'm sure Dion will do just fine.

Heh heh heh. Yeah right.

no dion, no cry

It's been a tough few weeks for Calgary Flames defensemen -- and sworn enemy of slinginlingo -- Dion Phaneuf.

First, he got chirped by mild-mannered Henrik Sedin, eating his words after he roughed up the Swede earlier in the game only to see the Twins and the rest of the Canucks light up his Flamers for five consecutive goals that night. Then, he was vilified -- and rightly so -- for a cheap hit on Anze Kopitar that, luckily, was less severe than it looked. Add to that, he suffered an arm injury against the Leafs on Saturday and his name is currently being whispered as trade bait in the Ilya Kovalchuck sweepstakes, and it would seem that things are pretty crappy over at Camp Dion (Note: if Phaneuf did run a kids' camp, it would probably be attended only by -- to quote the Simpsons here -- "emotionally crippled Mini-Hulks".

Dion as a middle-schooler. "Can I borrow a feeling?"

Well, I'm not going to pretend I don't enjoy kicking this guy while he's down, so I would be remiss if I didn't note how jubilant I was when Steve Yzerman and the rest of the Team Canada braintrust stayed away from the Phaneuf Kool-Aid and kept the most overrated player and gigantic defensive liability and brain-fart prone goofball off the team.

A wrathful tear welled up in mine eye.

For added comedy, a gruff looking Phaneuf -- making his "Blue Steel" Zoolander face -- is all over Nike's new TV spot "Force Fate," which features a number of Canadian Olympians. The company probably was under the impression that he was a lock for the Canadian Team. Mmmm, sweet, delicious, maple-syrup with sprinkles irony. Can you taste it? Tastes great, n'est pas?

Instead of being annoyed when the commercial airs 40 times during each Hockey Night in Canada game, it will just serve to remind me of Phaneuf's snub.

Quick Dion, what's 6 x 7? Nope, the answer is not steamroller. Sorry.

See, this is all that I need to be happy.

A while back, I once told somebody that I hated Phaneuf worse than I hated AIDS in Africa. Having mellowed a bit over the years, I can see that was a little a strong. Nowadays, if I had the choice to eradicate the world of Phaneuf or AIDS in Africa, I think I'd most likely choose AIDS in Africa. See, I'm maturing.

But yeah, it is great knowing that I won't have to feign support for Phaneuf come February. I'm sure it would have involved a lot of vomiting and drinking and cigarette burns on my arms. I swear, with Crosby and Pronger already on that team and with potentially a Phaneuf, I honestly would have found it hard to cheer for Canada in Vancouver.

So thanks, Stevie Y, for keeping the squad Phaneuf-free and for keeping me firmly behind Team Canada.

And Dion, like the hockey coach told Happy Gilmore at the end of the tryout: "Better luck next year."

thanks Sean

I've delved into my disdain for this individual before, but something new came to light today and I can't help myself.

Not only does he hit a proportionate amount of smaller players while some how maintaining a tough guy moniker, have a dopey verb named after him that gets thrown around more than midgets at bars in the 70s, get severely overrated by the media as an all-around player when he's a total defensive liability (-10, that's good for 706th out 715 NHL players), talks and shoves a lot in scrums but not back it up, smokes when he's a role model athlete to kids (looks he's doing a lot better with the ladies now that he's rich), is a Calgary Flame and is singularly responsible for child poverty in Africa (okay I'm pushing it), but...

It doesn't even look like she's having fun.

it also turns out that Dion "I push around Europeans" Phaneuf falls in love with sloppy seconds.

I'm sorry, Elisha.

Thank you, Sean.

P.S. Bring it, Jung

so, so fulfilling

Tough

Fluff

6 - 0 tonight. So, so fulfilling. And a fitting tribute to Luc Bourdon.

The boys stood up for each other. They looked fast. They answered toughness questions. The only question mark for me from that game was Pyatt, but you can't complain when you demolish the Calgary Flames... Oh man, was that good.

And the Flames... proved they were overhyped. Iginla is a whiner and Phaneuf is no kind of presence defensively. I don't see why they were being treated like a contender.

It's only one game, I know. But damn, was that good.

Burrows 2 - Iginla 0

most wonderful day of the year

Folks, the excitement is building... 

We are a mere five sleeps from the greatest day of the year. No, it's not a birthday, or Christmas, or Halloween, or anything else Hallmark would have a card for... (Although they should. I'd show up at a buddy's house with one...)

September 9 marks the release of the latest installment of EA Sports' NHL series... NHL 2009.

Unfortunately, I do not return to Yellowknife -- and an XBox 360 -- before the 19th, so that should give some of you (read: Kev) a chance to build up some much needed confidence and get some practice in before Daddy SweetThumbs (am I allowed to self-nickname? Sir Score-a-lot? Dr. Kev Kill? Annihilatatron?) returns to reestablish his dominance with a tyrannical reign of beatdowns, shutouts and mid-game-pause-and-resets-because-the-game-is-so-out-of-hand... eh? eh?

I do have a beef, though: Phaneuf is on the cover. 

Dion Phaneuf has 45-minute conversations with rocks.

I've never been so in love with something that has such a horrific and unpalatable appearance.

It would be like a girlfriend coming back from a week long vacation with a Mike Tyson-style facial tattoo. Or being covered in feces or ebola or something... I'll get over it, but I might cringe as I take it out of the packaging.

One other thing. The official trailer kind of pisses me off.

NHL 2009 Trailer

Awesome! Phaneuf lays out the Twins twice, and the Canucks look like a bunch of flunky jabronies... 

At least now, I think we can officially kill the long held (and baseless) conspiracy theory from bitter Oilers/Flames fans that Canucks players' ratings are inflated because the game is made in Burnaby, BC.

No Canucks fan would ever endorse Dion Fanook doing something like this. 

I need something to cheer me up...

Oh, yeah!!! This right here.

Ahhh... much better....