Monday, June 29, 2009

meaningless green and pervert updates

For those who were keeping track at home, the meaningless act of green I set out at the start of the month is dead. I filled up my truck yesterday with $30 of bronze unleaded (at a cool $1.17 per litre). That means the half-tank I had the second week of June didn't even last the end of the month.

Moral of the story: a promise is a promise unless it's made by Herbiberous.

Also, just to prove the overwhelming amount of traffic I'm getting from "Megan Fox topless" searches, I'll provide you with the hits I've gotten globally in the past 48 hours on that topic (from most recent):

Edison, New Jersey, USA
Adelaide, South Australia
El Dorado, Kansas, USA
Louisville, Kentucky, USA
Singapore, Singapore
Kitchener, Ontario, Canada
Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada
Tripoli, Tarabulus, Libyan Arab Jamahiriya (two visits in 3 minutes -- sick)
Waldassen, Bayern, Germany
Portland, Oregon, USA
Brooklyn, New York, USA
Chilliwack, British Columbia, Canada
New Haven, Conneticut, USA
Nottingham, Maryland, USA
Molndal, Vastra Gotaland, Sweden (twice)
Brownsburg, Indiana, USA
Warsaw, Warszawa, Poland
Gladenbach, Hessen, Germany
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Paris, Ile-de-France, France
Corona, New York, USA
United States?
Portland, Oregon, USA
Hollywood, Florida, USA
New York, USA
Smithtown, New York, USA
Miami, Florida, USA
Fresno, California, USA
Berlin, Germany
Iquique, Tarapaca, Chile
Abbeville, Louisiana, USA
Athens, Georgia, USA
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
Renton, Washington, USA
Ettlingen, Baden-wurttemberg, Germany
Harlowton, Montana, USA
Perth, Western Australia, Australia
Manila, Philippines
London, United Kingdom
Markham, Ontario, Canada
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA
Phoenix, Arizona, USA
Aiken, South Carolina, USA
Buffalo, New York, USA
Tomball, Texas, USA
Springfield, Ohio, USA
Sao Paulo, Sao Paulo, Brazil

And outside the 48 hour period, that post had visitors from:

Kota Bharu, Perak, Malaysia
Istanbul, Turkey
Belo Horizonte, Minas Gerais, Brazil
Chatanooga, Tennessee, USA
Buenos Aires, Distrito Federal, Argentina
Wasilla, Alaska, USA
Bolzano, Trentino-alto Adige, Italy
Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
Almelo, Overijssel, Netherlands
Islamabad, Pakistan
Cleveland, Ohio, USA
Toluca, Mexico
Victoria, British Columbia, Canada
Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, United Kingdom
Stockholm, Stockholms Lan, Sweden
Poznan, Wielkopolskie, Poland
Channel-port Aux Basques, Newfoundland, Canada
Augusta, Georgia, USA (Home of the PGA's Masters)
Rubiera, Emilia-romagna, Italy
Vanda, Southern Finland, Finland
Bressanone, Trentino-alto Adige, Italy
Veberod, Skane Lan, Sweden
Horten, Vestfold, Norway
Bangalore, Karnataka, India
Bogota, Cundinamarca, Columbia
Dublin, Ireland
Gurgaon, Haryana, India
Baarn, Utrecht, Netherlands (actually, stayed for some pillow-talk and checked out about 8 posts after Megan Fox. Thanks for not completely using
Murcia, Spain
Jakarta, Jakarta Raya, Indonesia
Beaverton, Oregon, USA (sorry, had to include that one)

The site only keeps track of the last 500 visitors and goes back to June 21. Not bad. Outside the past 48 hours, I also only posted the most far-flung (eww, maybe not the best choice of words) locations, as there were about a zillion different American, Canadian, British, German and Australian visitors mixed in there. So people from all corners of the world, and nearly every continent on the planet, other than Africa and Antarctica, visited in the past week.

I feel like my blog has touched so many people... and it makes me feel dirty. is starting to feel like the girl at the bar, who gets fed up by guys staring at her boobs and not getting to know her.

I've learned a few things through this though:

1 - if you generate revenue on your blog through site hits, just post a topless picture of Megan Fox and then start looking for that retirement home on Vancouver Island.

2 - the lack of visitors from Africa does not mean its people aren't perverted. It actually has me starting to believe that Bill Gates was right: there are not nearly enough computers on that continent and Africans are at a disadvantage because they cannot stay connected to the goings on in the world and access the internet for all the important things it can put one in touch with... like Megan Fox's chesticles.

3 - nothing brings the world together like Megan Fox, naked from the waste up. I hope the United Nations is paying attention. I think they would be completely missing a valuable sticking point in negotiations between fighting factions. I want to start seeing this Megan Fox pic plastered across Sri Lanka or the Congo. You can't fire a gun when your hands are busy.

Update of update:
In the time it took me to write that post, someone from Milford, Ohio, USA stopped by to ogle Miss Fox.

Well played, good sir.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

mo traffic, mo erections?

Although recent tests have all but confirmed my brain viscosity is nearly mush, and I struggle to write a coherent statement, resulting in a friend recently commenting that I no longer sling lingo, but instead sling laziness, the old blogski is receiving more traffic than ever.

At first glance, this would appear curious. However, a little research into the phenomenon reinforces a belief I have had about this little internet contraption since day one:

We're all a bunch of perverts.

Way back when, I wrote a post about a Tim Horton's commercial, which I found to be inaccurate. The commercial in question portrayed the coffee and donuts chain (now owned by an American corporation I must add) as a Norman Rockwell-type Canadian hangout, staffed by old, folksy white ladies with local drawls and frequented by early morning hockey dads and frozen-cheeked kids after skates on ponds. Well, I'm sorry, but every single Tim Horton's I've been to is staffed almost exclusively by Filipinos and I found it odd that every person in those commercials was white. It made me wonder what exactly Tim Hortons was trying to do.

It led me off on a tangent about a completely different device used in commercials by companies in an attempt to show their seeming inclusiveness. They always include a token black or asian person into the gang or group. However, these ads never put First Nations or Inuit into the smiling circle of friends or happy workplaces, which has long been a beef of mine.

Anyways (I'm getting off on a tangent again) at the end of the post, I included a gratuitous picture of Megan Fox naked, getting out of the water in Vancouver, because it somehow popped up when I was searching Tim Hortons (did I erroneously type 'muff' instead of 'muffin' in the query box?)

Well let me tell you folks, that was far and away the most popular post I've ever written. Perhaps coinciding with the release of the Transformers movie, I'm getting like hundreds of hits a week from all over the world by google searchers looking up 'Megan Fox topless'.

And in some instances, looking at the time spent on page -- sometimes one minute, to a minute in a half -- it makes me wonder if someone had ever stopped on and... EWWW!!!

I want to make it clear, I do not condone the shooting-off of toilet paper children to this here blog. Just take the picture, save it to your desktop and get outta here.

Shit, I have kids, man. (Editor's note: I do not have kids.)

At the end of that post though, I said more people would be interested in the Fox shot.

I feel it is time to say, I told ya so.

She do look good though.

Monday, June 15, 2009

meaningless act of green update

I've driven my truck nearly every day since the last post. I've been getting up closer and closer to 9 a.m. every morning, and last week, I thought my hamstring -- and adjoining glute -- on my left side was going to snap. (I'd say my leg and ass was tight, but that would most likely attract a whole slew of google searchers that I don't want to associate this blog with...)

So the meaningless act of green is seemingly flying out the window, unless I can truly devote myself to early mornings.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

a meaningless act of green

The fuel light on my dashboard was stoked like a log in a fire and I hurried to fill up at Circle K tonight. I put $35 worth of the cheap stuff in there, half filling my tank.

Now, I hadn't planned on driving to work today, but I got up super late and so was somewhat forced.

But here's my meaningless act of green: I will try to go the rest of the summer on that half-tank of gas.

I spent the last two summers on my ten-speed, so let's see how far I can go this year.

Friday, June 5, 2009


I don't know how I've had this thing for nearly a year and never once mentioned one of my heroes, Dave Chappelle.

I'm too sleepy to get in too deep (like Johnny Depp in Donnie Brasco) about my admiration for Dave Chappelle, so I'll just post a link to his much-needed Tupac burn. Mr. Shakur was coming out with albums every year for a while there, so Mr. Chappelle saw the opportunity to roast the man, pretending he was still alive... HIT THE LINK BELOW

If you don't laugh, you're not human. And if you're not human, I hope you're not a GM model robot.

and I know I haven't updated for a while but...

So I know this is update numero deuce in less than 10 minutes, but I have to share this, as it is my man J Dilla with MF Doom...

He rest when he's ashes

And the Jay Stay Paid album came out Tuesday. Get your ass out and grab that, the benefits goes toward the Yancey family!!!

metabolic milestone

Now folks, this is 24 hours in arrears, however I believe it may still hold relevance.

So I just wanted to note that last eve, sitting on my back deck smoking a hooka solo as per use (is that how you spell the cool version of usual???) I realized it was the first time in quite some period of minutes that I didn't expel a mass from my bowel fifteen minutes after digesting some mock-food McDonalds. Usually, 15 minutes after taking my first Big Mac bite, my butt cheeks are smoochin a U-shaped seat.

Last night, it was not the case.

Am I getting older? What the F S is H-ing?

P.S. As a serious reporter, session is over and I have many great clips I want to share with all of you. However, my incompetence may just be my own favourite worst nightmare (PLEASE GO LISTEN TO SOME ARCTIC MONKEYS).

Monday, June 1, 2009

welcome summer

It took a while, but I'd like to send a sincere hello out to belated summer.

Today was the first certifiably spring day here in Yellowknife, where the sky was pure blue with life.

And I also received my first mosquito bite. I guess the lesson is be careful what you wish for.