if you're in the market...

On the job prowl again, hitting craigslists and kijijis and workopolises (or is the plural workopoli?) and the ground running. Selling myself to anyone who gives me an ear and talking about myself in glowing tones and all that demeaning stuff.

There isn't much to look forward to when it comes to job searching -- other than the job at the end of the tunnel, of course. But as a way to keep my spirits up, I've been making note of some of the bizarre postings I've come across in the past week or so. And because you have been such patient listeners and loyal friends, I feel I should share a few of them with you:

The adult industry in Montreal must be alive and well. How do I know this? (Don't jump to any conclusions, my pretties. I'm not desperate enough to start starring in snuff films... yet.) Seemingly every job board, other than the government sponsored ones, is littered with many, many very professional sounding postings seeking either sound engineers or graphic designers, communications managers or sales associates. Each job sounds like it could be for a law firm or NGO or something, except for one line that subtly lists as a qualification that applicants should be comfortable with adult material.

That leads me to wonder just how comfortable applicants should be around the material?

"Comfortable, but not too comfortable," I'll assume.

There are even more ads looking for 'nice' girls for 'massage parlors'. The ads ask for exotic girls and pretty girls of Chinese, Japanese, Eastern European or Brazilian descent, because I guess pretty girls give better massages than ugly ones?

I guess it shouldn't surprise me that there are more tugs going around in Montreal than a Halifax harbour.

I found one ad looking for girls aged 18 to 55 to appear in adults films. And if the would-be video girls potentially had any reservations about appearing on video, the ad offered them some anonymity to quell their worries: there was the option of wearing a mask.

And maybe my favorite of all: some guy is looking for an extremely specific and unique chaffeur's job.

Apparently he owns a van that seats 7 and he knows Montreal and Laval very well. What is he looking to haul around, you ask? Well escorts and dancers, of course.

I hope everything pans out for this guy, who is trying to make his dream a reality.