Saturday, September 13, 2008

Canadian identity at stake in US election

I can fully understand why some people wouldn't be paying attention, since it's not our country and because it's such a nauseating, lie-filled, childish and moronic campaign. But, depending on who the Yanks decide to vote for, this election could have serious ramifications on our country's sense of self.

A McCain/Palin White House would seriously erode Canadian identity.


Now you could argue that there is no such thing as a Canadian identity -- but I believe there is a difference between an American and a Canadian (aside from the notches needed in belts above and below the border... I'm just saying). 

Some of you may disagree, but I have found that one key pillar of what it means to be Canadian is to play, watch, enjoy, or discuss hockey. If you think about it, what is the one piece of major (non-life-or-death) infrastructure found in communities across the country? The hockey rink. 

Kids dream about making the big leagues, parents sip coffees and talk about life and local politics while their children play, and large groups of people squish into bars or living rooms on frigid Saturday nights to cheer on their teams. And we all feel a quiet pride in being the first nation in hockey. As lame as it sounds, hockey is quite the unifier.

What happens if Palin, the self-described 'hockey mom', sidles into the White House? She'll make hockey America's national pastime. Kids will be drafted to hockey camps at young ages and there will be no dodgers fleeing to the North because they'll be subjected to hockey here too. Palin will make it her mission to destroy us on the ice. She will declare America's rise to supreme hockey nation, God's wish.

Thou shalt not hit from behind, for whoever disobeyith that commandment shall be given a match penalty and a game misconduct.

When 300 million Americans invade Canada with stick tape and hockey skates, what will we have left? Curling? Lacrosse?

We need to do something. This is a call to anyone who could care less about the election to call their crazy American uncle or ex-wife and plead with them to vote Obama/Biden for the sake of our poor, fragile Canadian sense of self.

Or you could ask them to vote for Obama because he's not a liar, or spin-meister, or incompetent, or dirt-bag, or embodiment of soullessness and pure evil...

But, then again, if McCain/Palin do get voted in, then it will further reinforce (and probably confirm) another strong area of Canadian identity: the perception that Canadians are smarter than Americans...