i don't really like you anymore, facebook

No, this has nothing to do with the goofy new format (which I still can't quite figure out), but with those damn relationship statuses.

It used to kind of make me laugh, you know, watching people go from "single" to "it's complicated" to "in a relationship with..." back to "single" again, all in one week. I would try to imagine what this person's life looked like, or how happy or maybe confused they were with the relationship, and chuckle in incomprehension trying to understand why they would tell the whole world about it, even as it changes forms so drastically in days. Do they even talk to the other person?

We all know a facebook Sara. But does she exist in real life? Or is it all an attention ploy? From the looks of it, she's been dumped more than a recyclable colon camera.

In the past, I've taken the plunge and erased the "single" thing from my profile, but it always came after great consideration and with great care. You have to be ready for the inevitable "who's the lucky girl" or "yeah yeah" or "taking the facebook plunge, eh?" I've bugged friends about it in the past, claiming now things were serious and official.

One friend fell asleep with her profile open and a roommate changed her status from "single" to "engaged." The next day she received calls from people she hadn't heard from in years -- family members even -- congratulating her on the news and asking her all about who the guy was. She had no idea what they were talking about, until they brought up the facebook status change.

Another friend was involved in a break-up, and he said changing the status was the definitive moment commemorating the end.

It's powerful stuff.

Anyways, two great friends (who I will keep anonymous for some reason) recently edited their profiles and 'facebook broke-up', even though they were together and in great shape. 

I called them late the night I saw the news, having returned from a night out, and was shocked, choked, hoping everyone was okay. The young man answered the phone. The two of them (who live in separate cities) were together, painting. They were fine. 

I felt like a douche and asked: "Fuck the heck?" 

They gave me some weird, convoluted logic about not needing facebook to say they were a couple or something (I think?). I said, just wait for the backlash.

I went to sleep feeling better that they were still together, but I felt played and facebook played a part.

Now, whenever I see that damn status thing change, I'll never one-hundred percent believe. (And can we put a ban on people being "married" to their friends? That can't be funny anymore, can it?)

I really don't like you, facebook, for fucking with me. I don't think I'll ever trust you again, facebook, and when the trust is gone, it's only a matter of time before we part ways.

Note: The next day, the still-healthy-couple's statuses had comments from people sympathetic and worried.

I wrote on one of them: "good, you can do a lot better."

A day later, the girl told me she had received a bunch of emails from her friends calling me an asshole for being insensitive. She had to explain everything. 

But that's what happens when you mess with the almighty facebook status. 

Beware of the power.