Oil Can's All-Stars: #1

The first installment of Oil Can's All-Stars, dedicated to athletes with ridiculous names.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, with no further delay, the inaugural Oil Can All-Star...

(drumroll, while beautiful woman in tight, crimson red dress breaks seal of golden envelope, pulls out black card, while the packed crowd of MGM Grand gasps in anticipation. One really old chick in a white dress faints and her glass shatters on the floor, while a nervous young man barfs and then bolts, buckling under the pressure... World B. Free is already practicing his acceptance speech.

Bob Costas grabs the card and walks to the podium, clears his throat and says...)

TREE ROLLINS!!!!!

(The crowd goes apeshit. The passed out woman is revived and upon hearing that Tree Rollins is the recipient, she passes out again in euphoric frenzy.)

Tree Rollins played 18 seasons in the NBA. The 7'2 centre is 7th all-time in blocks, leading the league in the statistical category in the 1982-83 season. His nickname was "the Intimidator". He also allegedly bit Danny Ainge's finger, requiring him to get a tetanus shot. After the incident, he is credited with the quote: "What's in my mouth is mine."

Really, you can't make this stuff up.

Tree is also was guilty of causing me, at a very young age, to roll around on the floor, in tears laughing, when I opened up a pack of basketball cards and saw a player with the name Tree. It was so random and so goofy and such a fittingly perfect name for a severely tall individual (like an NBA centre). I would have loved to have been there when that one guy called him Tree for the first time. 

Anyways, Tree Rollins has always stayed with me.

Godspeed, Mr. Tree.