The real story

With Herbiberous, sitting this one out,

I feel like I gotta get on here and say my little piece about what the real story here is about the Olympics.

Herbiberous has been whiffin' on his Olympic coverage, man. He's been out of the strike zone. He's missing the whole shit.

The Can, though, I ain't messin' around. I'm gonna either be leaving Canada all together or stocking up on ammo, because two weeks from now, when them Olympic athletes is coming back to Canada all empty-handed and shit, we're all gonna be in some kind of trouble, man.

I mean, think about this right here. These athletes, they're crazy. They've been practicing and living right and not going out and not having fun and they've been devoted to their sports like it's some kind of religion. And they gearin' up for this Olympics. Every damn early morning run, and raw-egg-blender-shake, and gahdamn early night sleep -- where they was dreaming of the piece of ass they could be hittin at the club instead of chasing this dream --went into this Olympics training.

Now what? It's been five days, and Canada's got no medals? Like zero?

No dreams gettin' fulfilled over there, no sir.

So shit, August 25, when these muthafuckas get back here, we gonna have some angry, crazy folks running around. And these athletes, they're some focused people, man.

Now their spirits are broken. We gonna have like hundreds of these super-athletic, jacked up Ray Finkles running around, all crazy, with nothing left to live for, throwin' javelins at mothafuckas in the airport and puttin' traffic cops in full-Nelsons and shit. We gonna have syncronized divers jumpin' from buildings together.

Shit is real.

Me... I'm getting the fuck outta here. Gonna go live in Baltimore. Be a pitching coach -- maybe with the 'Birds. They lousy. They need help. Get me a condo next to Michael Phelps. I hate the muthafucka too, but he won't be trying to jack nobody.

Maybe I'll see what's good with that pole-vaulter chick. I ain't saying my pole is ten feet long, but, you know, it won't be too much of a letdown.

But hey, when shit goes down, don't say I didn't try to warn y'all.

-Oil Can